Hello, new phase of life.

I start my very first post-college, big girl, full time, real world job on Thursday. And there are so many different emotions flooding through me because of it.

I'm excited.
I get to reunite with people that I worked with from my internship that, for the past year and a half, I've only really communicated with via Facebook messaging and texts. Getting to see them again will be so nice! I feel like I've grown a lot this past year or so, just with my knowledge and confidence, figuring out who I am and what I want out of friendships. And I get to explore a whole new city!

I'm nervous.
What if I've forgotten everything that I learned during my internship? What if I don't perform like I did during my internship? {This is one of those thoughts that creeps into my head occasionally, but I'm always able to shut it out by telling myself that I've accomplished so much just by working hard like I always do. As long as I make a quality effort, I will be successful.} What if the new level 1's and I don't have a lot in common? How will I do managing my money?

I'm afraid.
That thing called "the unknown" is a scary thing. There aren't as many unknowns now as there were a month and a half ago; I found an apartment, figured out how to do all of the necessary items on the "moving to-do list", and learned the area a bit more. But there still are the unknowns of how I'll be able to manage my time once I start working (so that I can still run, cook and bake, have a life outside of work, etc.), when I'll meet "the one", and so much more.

I'm happy.
I love my new apartment and all of the fun and exciting things that are around me. I love being closer to family, closer to some of my friends that also live in the cities. I am more sure of myself than I think I ever have been before.

I'm longing.
I miss my parents, though I talk to them pretty frequently. I can't just give them a hug whenever I want or need to. I miss Cooper, my furry four-legged friend who is always up for a walk or a petting. I miss the familiarity of Rochester, knowing where so many things are located and randomly running into familiar faces every once in a while.

I'm feeling all the feels, but I think that's a very normal and healthy thing at this point in my life. I'm entering the "real world", and though this will be the new normal for the next 40+ years of my life, I know I'm in a field that challenges and excites me and has so many opportunities. Life is pretty darn good!

Just Friends

We go way back
Can't remember a time
When I didn't know of you
Such a wonderful friend
To that sweet brother of mine
But will we ever be more than that?

Just friends
Though when we're together
It feels like it could be more
Of all the miles we've run
You've been running through my mind
A million times over
Wondering, wishing, hoping

But then you never call or text
And I'm left questioning
If I even cross your mind at all
You're that guy that all the girls adore
Fun, charming, daring, and so much more
There's so many fish in the sea
But will you choose me?

When our eyes meet, it feels special, exciting
I know I'm not good at showing how I feel
But you must know how I feel about you
It's not just a passing thing

But I need more
Than just a delightful, unforgettable time
When I see you every few months
A "how's your day?" or even a simple "hi"
I think we would be great together
Mutual interests and friends and outlook on life

And maybe it's the age difference
Though two years isn't much
Or different places in the world and in life
Both have prevented potentially magical things before
But I'm not going to wait forever

Maybe on this rollercoaster
We're meant to be sitting next to each other
Or maybe other people
Who really knows?
For now, I'm going to keep telling myself
We're better off being just friends
It's less painful that way